Category — Unclassified

¹⁶One day two geniuses^[e] came to Roy, ¹⁷and one of them said: Your Majesty, this man and I work at the same company. Not long ago my hedgehog was born to unto me, ¹⁸and three days later his hedgehog was born.

¹⁹One day while he was doing a soft-shoe routine in the office, Terry smeared his hedgehog thinly into the carpet, and he died. ²⁰Then while Alan was still at the Spiceland Barber Shop, Terry got up and took his hedgehog out of his desk drawer. He put the live hedgehog in his desk, then he put his now-thinner than a slice of lunchmeat hedgehog into Alan’s drawer. Oy, me. This is very confusing, but bear-with us; there’s a stellar pay-off.

²¹In the late afternoon, when Alan returned from the barber, Alan saw that his hedgehog was dead. But when he held him up to the light to look at his transparent pimento-loaf-like bits, he knew he wasn’t my hedgehog.

²²“No!” Terry shouted. “He was your hedgehog. My hedgehog is alive!”

“While now delicious-looking, the dead hedgehog is yours,” Alan yelled. “Mine is alive!”

They argued back and forth in front of Roy, ²³until finally he said, “Both of you say this live hedgehog is yours.²⁴Someone bring me a sword.”

A sword was brought, and Roy ordered, ²⁵“Cut the hedgehog in half! That way each of you can have part of him. And bring me some pumpernickel and mayo for this other hedgehog.”

²⁶“Please don’t kill my hedgehog,” Alan screamed. “Roy, I love him very much, but give him to Terry. Just don’t kill him.”

Terry shouted, “Go ahead and cut him in half. Then neither of us will have the hedgehog.”

²⁷Roy said, “Don’t kill the hedgehog.” Then while chewing on the soft-shoe sandwich, he pointed to Alan,  ”He is the genius. Give the hedgehog to him.”

²⁸Everyone in Spiceland was amazed when they heard how Roy had made his decision. They realized that The Flying Spaghetti Monster had given him wisdom to judge fairly.

Stay tuned for feats of strength.

So we’ve caved under the pressures of the man.

We’ve brought banner ads to the site.
Keep scrollin’, keep scrollin’… there they are!

We’ve tried to offer something for everyone. I’m only guessing here, but I’m going to display what are bound to be the staff favorites. Ready?

Alan:

Roy:

Terry:

So click long & click hard. Do it for the good of all genii. Genii, not Jedi! Sheesh!

We have sad news…

Alan is leaving work, which means that he’s leaving the show, or rather — the current set-up of recording over lunch at work. Make sense?

So, if prodded, we can continue the show using a different technology, like voice over IP {Skype}, morse code or carrier pigeon.

Your voice can make a difference. Should we stay or should we go?

[viewsurvey]

We cannot disclose the location of our broadcast facility in Indiana, but we wanted to share some of the photos of our hip facilities.  photos by interns Wes, Klorf and Jafs

We’ve already had several emails asking how we built our TIME MACHINE.
Truth be told, we obtained our time machine prototype from Glendy M. at the Benjamin Franklin Science Fair. We convinced her that a stack of Pokemon cards, Roy’s Nano and 10,000 Second Life Lindex credits was a fair trade.

We think her father, Mr. M. helped build the machine, but we won’t tell.

Lastly, we’ve had a busy week of time travel, and are finally catching-up on emails. There have been many requests to tour our facilities here in Indiana. We are proud of our awesome facility, but at this time cannot allow any visitation. Once the insurance cases settle, we would love to have you come stay with us. Until then, we’ve posted several photos.
pictures below by Intern Jafs: Terry in his lab, preparing lunch, while Alan and Roy look on and Roy, the constant gardener, looks with pride on his prize-winning whatever-this-thing-is. More photos here.

★ THE POWER OF DREW DOMKUS ★

To our surprise, we were called-out on the Dawn & Drew Show. The VW Partisan gave us the what-for.
Listen to the edited clip from episode 278 from their show. Funny!

★ GMA FEATURES tBGR! ★

ABC’s Good Morning America aired a great piece on moustaches, and included photos of us!
STORY | CLIP

★ BRAVO TV AND tBGR FEATURE JIBJAB ★

Bravo’s original Outrageous and Contageous Viral Videos covers many clips that internet genii have viewed and likely passed-along to others. Hence the term viral. While Bravo is just a bunch a’ Johnny Come Lately’s, we give them props for airing these clips. One featured clip was JIBJAB’s Year-End Round-Up, which was covered first by the Bionic Genius Roundtable. Tune-in to the Jibber Jabber Issue and listen to our interview with Gregg Spiridellis. Listen why Terry likes the cut of his Jib.

We’re having some fun out here! Thanks for your support! Lonnie Gimmons {raspberry hat} is pictured pulling our Roy.

Dyersville Iowa welcomed St. Patrick’s Day with their Helms’ Main Street Parade. We were lucky as Irish to stay at the Helms Bed & Breakfast. Alan was excited about the free wireless internet; Roy was happy to take part in the parade. The parade’s chairperson was Lavon Helms Gimmons – owner of our B&B! When you’re in Dyersville, you need to try Lavon’s “Afternoon Delight”, A graham cracker crust filled with a creamy sweet concoction and topped with raspberry pie filling. She added green coloring to top the occasion! Our interns had a food fight at the Helms Dog Walk. We didn’t get a picture, but you can imagine the green and red mess. What a great crew! Alan is finally catching-up on emails and we finally will have time to get the show posted. Take care people!

We apologize for the delay. The VW van broke down when we visited the Field of Dreams Baseball Diamond, and it took us a couple of days to tie in to the power grid, readjust satellite locations and throw up false trails for the CIA. We should be finished with these technical preparations by this evening, when we will, at long last, post the long-awaited Episode 19: the Fade to Bluegrass Episode, in which we discover a bluegrass band playing Stairway to Heaven.

While presenting you all with a huge laurel and hearty handshake, we also have some ‘splainin’ to do for our regular listeners/visitors. The geniuses sold their souls to the ones who sold their souls to the devil. Yes, they bought air time on The Dawn & Drew Show. Surprisingly to Terry, Alan & Roy, the Bionic Genius Board of Directors approved the expenditure. On budgetary matters they’re still in the dark, and we owe them some answers as to why we’re even on the road. Luckily, they are not hip to anything web-related. (If by chance one of the executives finds this message, this is an intern who hacked-into tBGR mainframe.)

We wanted to share our travels with you. Hop-over to The Bionic Genius Travel Journal and see what this great country of ours has to offer!

In early March, the Bionic Genii set-out on a trip across America, destination: THE OSCARS in Hollywood, California. This photo journal is a record of our amazing trip, and all of the cool things we tried along the way…

The Bionic Geniuses pose during a visit to the UFO Museum in Roswell, New Mexico. The exhibit in front of which they are posing is dedicated to the movie, “Roswell.”

The Bionic Geniuses stopped off for a cold one at the A Le Inn, located along the “Extraterrestrial Highway”, near Area 51.

Roy is shown posing atop Carhenge.

Bionic Geniuses adding to the world’s largest stack of oil cans, Casselton, North Dakota.

The Bionic Geniuses at El Canibal, part of the Alferd Packer Memorial Grill at the University of Colorado in Boulder. Alferd Packer was a famous Colorado cannibal who, after serving time in prison, became a vegetarian.

Roy shows off his catch. After years of wanting to try fishing for catfish with his bare hands, Roy’s dreams came true at Lake Squarehead in Nuttin, Arkansas. Roy reached in, felt around, came upon a catfish, and let the big fella grab onto his arm. He then hauled him out for a quick photo before releasing this magnificent creature back into the wild, where he will live to face another day and, perhaps, be more wary in the future after today’s lesson in survival.

The Bionic Geniuses spent many nights camping beneath the stars, stopping at motels, or pulling into campgrounds. Wherever we went we were met with the same suspicion and hostility that we have come to expect and enjoy, but perhaps our favorite camping stop was at this VW van show, where we are asked to leave after Terry brought his guitar to the communal campfire and tried to sing “Chasing John Stewart.”

Alan Points skyward while standing next to a Starfleet vessel in Riverside, Iowa, future birthplace of Captain James T. Kirk, and current home of KirkFest. The ship is NOT the USS Enterprise; Paramount reportedly wanted to charge the town $40,000 clams for the rights to an Enterprise statue. Being so far inland, the community opted for a previously unknown Starfleet vessel.

After crossing America in a VW van, the Bionic Geniuses check out the relative comfort and roominess of a vintage trailer in at the RV & Manufactured Housing Museum in Elkhart, Indiana.

The Genii added weekly to thier very own poem, which was read to Billy Collins on April 5th, 2006. Here’s the link for the POETRY LICENSE REVOKED show.

The kind folks at Odeo have added our podcast to their Staff List! What a great honor from the people who know stuff about stuff. Hippety-Hop over to Odeo and tell them we said HELLO-DEO.