Roy Makes a Difficult Decision

¹⁶One day two geniuses^[e] came to Roy, ¹⁷and one of them said: Your Majesty, this man and I work at the same company. Not long ago my hedgehog was born to unto me, ¹⁸and three days later his hedgehog was born.

¹⁹One day while he was doing a soft-shoe routine in the office, Terry smeared his hedgehog thinly into the carpet, and he died. ²⁰Then while Alan was still at the Spiceland Barber Shop, Terry got up and took his hedgehog out of his desk drawer. He put the live hedgehog in his desk, then he put his now-thinner than a slice of lunchmeat hedgehog into Alan’s drawer. Oy, me. This is very confusing, but bear-with us; there’s a stellar pay-off.

²¹In the late afternoon, when Alan returned from the barber, Alan saw that his hedgehog was dead. But when he held him up to the light to look at his transparent pimento-loaf-like bits, he knew he wasn’t my hedgehog.

²²“No!” Terry shouted. “He was your hedgehog. My hedgehog is alive!”

“While now delicious-looking, the dead hedgehog is yours,” Alan yelled. “Mine is alive!”

They argued back and forth in front of Roy, ²³until finally he said, “Both of you say this live hedgehog is yours.²⁴Someone bring me a sword.”

A sword was brought, and Roy ordered, ²⁵“Cut the hedgehog in half! That way each of you can have part of him. And bring me some pumpernickel and mayo for this other hedgehog.”

²⁶“Please don’t kill my hedgehog,” Alan screamed. “Roy, I love him very much, but give him to Terry. Just don’t kill him.”

Terry shouted, “Go ahead and cut him in half. Then neither of us will have the hedgehog.”

²⁷Roy said, “Don’t kill the hedgehog.” Then while chewing on the soft-shoe sandwich, he pointed to Alan,  ”He is the genius. Give the hedgehog to him.”

²⁸Everyone in Spiceland was amazed when they heard how Roy had made his decision. They realized that The Flying Spaghetti Monster had given him wisdom to judge fairly.