Posts from — February 2006

Thanks to Melvin Postlewait of Billings, MT for sending this to our attention.
We acknowledge the inappropriate use, but will continue to use the term geniuses.

We suggest that you seek life outside the Parmly Billings Library.

Thanks also for sending us your photo, Mel.

“I hope this is the future of podcasting … because I hate podcasting and I want to see it die.”
Entertainment Tonight

“A terrorist plot to destroy the Internet.”
O’Reilly Factor

“Allows Heather Graham to save face by saying, ‘at least my sitcom wasn’t THAT bad’.”
TV Guide

“A flaming brown bag of doody on the front porch of podcasting.”
boingboing

“Son, you’re out of the will.”
Terry’s dad

“Daddy, you’re making me cry.”
Roy’s daughter

“I want a divorce.”
Alan’s wife

“You’re fired.”
Owner of company where Bionic Geniuses work

Studies show that 13 out of 10 high school students are flunking math. And a study done in 2005 (or was it 1902?) shows that the majority of high school history students believe there have only been 43 Presidents of the United States, as opposed to the 243.765 Presidents we’ve actually had.

And, perhaps even more egregious, 0 out of 10 students could give the scientific name of every parrot species alive today.

In our continuing patriotic effort to educate and entertain America, the Bionic Geniuses present a new segment to deliver our children from the maw of ignorance. In each “Presidents and Parrots segment” we discuss an American President, and a parrot which we think that President would have owned, had he (or she) ever owned a parrot.

The President: George Washington

Born: February 22, 1732, Westmorland, Virginia. Married to Martha Dandridge Custis Washington. Two step-children from Martha’s previous marriage; 1 daughter and 1 son.

Nicknamed the “father of his country.” Washington’s false teeth were made of hippo ivory and lead, along with the teeth of sheep, cows and humans. He did not however, own a pair of wooden teeth.

The well-known “I cannot tell a lie” story is also a myth. Washington was the first President to have his picture on a stamp. Washington did not have a college degree, and was an Episcopalian.

He was a planter, surveyor and solider, becoming a General in the Continental Army. He also served as a member of Virginia House of Burgesses, (1759-1774); member of Continental Congress, (1774-1775); and chairman of the Constitutional Convention, (1787-1788). A Federalist, Washington served as the first President of the United States (1789-1797).

Washington enjoyed fishing, riding, billiards, cards, reading and walking.
He died December 14, 1799 from a throat infection.

His parrot: Polly
O.K., George Washington actually did have a parrot named Polly. Although in our less-than-exhaustive search we could find no information on Washington’s actual parrot, were we to choose one for him it would probably be the Blue & Gold Parrot.

The Blue and Gold, like Washington, can be said to have a mellow personality and gorgeous coloration.

Also, the Blue and Gold is the most popular macaw species for a pet, while Washington is perhaps our most popular President.

Another link: The Blue and Gold is a large bird, although quite gentle, and can make a great family pet if provided with a large cage and lots of exercise. Washington was also a tall man, and gentle unless provoked by British monarchs.

This week week we interview N!cholas Gurewitch who talks about his hilarious comic strip, Perry Bible Fellowship.
Episode 0000016 Agendum:

What does a genius eat for lunch?

Chasing Jon Stewart Update: phone call to Coliseum Bookstore.

Presidents and Parrots: On each Presidential birthday, we will post information on a president and the parrot we think he most likely have owned.

Special Interview: N!cholas Gurewitch, artist and writer of the Perry Bible Fellowship strip speaks on life, love and baby sitting. Visit Perry Bible Fellowship online: www.thepbf.com
Bionic Genius Hall of Fame inductees: Col. Steve Austin (Roy); Space Ghost (Terry); Mr. T (Alan)

Studies show that 13 out of 10 high school students are flunking math. And a study done in 2005 {or was it 1902?} shows that the majority of high school history students believe there have only been 43 Presidents of the United States, as opposed to the 243.765 Presidents we’ve actually had. And, perhaps even more egregious, 0 out of 10 students could give the scientific name of every parrot species alive today.

In our continuing patriotic effort to educate and entertain America, the Bionic Geniuses present a new segment to deliver our children from the maw of ignorance. In each “Presidents and Parrots segment” we discuss an American President, and a parrot which we think that President would have owned, had he {or she} ever owned a parrot.

Without further ado, we bring you PRESIDENTS AND PARROTS…

If you don’t want to wait for your MP3 download, you can stream it online. The SHOW INDEX page has links forthwith.

We’ve also added the Podcast Player within each episode. Launch the player now.

The genius interview with Gregg Spiridellis from JibJab, our favorite of the mustachioed humorists.
Episode 0000015 Kerfuffle:

And then there were three: Josh has clipped the umbilical cord for freedom. He will be missed at the roundtable.

Special Interview: Gregg Spiridellis from JibJab waxes poetic on the history and the future success of the creatives at JibJab.com

Poetry Slam-Things That Crunch Lines 5-6

Chasing Jon Stewart. This week we speak with front desk security at Comedy Central.

Props to Smith Corona, Gorp and Lou Ferrigno.
Alan pours a forty out on the sidewalk in tribute to the Sony Aibo.

Contact the Bionic Genius Roundtable.
Ask about our holiday tours of the compound!

Email: roundtable at bionic genius dot com

Go Postal: The Bionic Genius Compound, Anytown USA

What do the Bionic Geniuses do in their spare time?

This was the last day of our intern program. Good luck Josh.
This week, the Bionic Geniuses just have fun. Episode 0000014 embelishments:

What does a Genius Eat for Lunch?

Poetry Slam-Things That Crunch – Ramping-up to our Billy Collins interview {April 5th} with the poem that never ends: Things That Crunch.

ZZ-top, Sigue Sigue Sputnik, Monkey, Tattoo, Dred Zepplin and Hayseed Dixie

Yearly Grammy Slam – Ramping-up to another empty awards show.

The Shower Scene: a phonecall to Mr. Prozac, the worlds only Groundhog Day Llama.

Roy announces his candidacy for the Presidency.

WALTON OR BRADY: The fastest growing game show sensation, with Brady aficionado /guest Lori.

A special Bionic Genius welcome to those of you who’ve bounced our way from boingboing.net. Although you may come to believe so later, there is no mistake. The manly coifs you see depicted above do, indeed, belong to the Bionic Geniuses.

Basically, what we do is this:

During lunch once a week, we sneak off to a conference room and record a podcast. We talk about TV, movies, music, comedy, books, art … you name it. Plus we interview cool and interesting people, like Josh, who rode across America on a Segway and made a documentary (episode 12); Steve Burns (episode 11), the Trachtenburg Family Slideshow Players (episode 10), and more. And as if that weren’t enough, we even do our own comedy bits (Chasing Jon Stewart; snowglobe history filmstrip; etc).

So if you’re still awake after reading this, check out episode 13 with Mark from boingboing. When you’re finished, browse around awhile–waste some time with us! Sure, you’ll be sorry you did. And, yes, it’s a few hours of your life you’ll never get back.

But do it for us.
For our moms.
For America.

On this Groundhog Day, Mark Frauenfelder joins us from boingboing.net to discuss comics, writing and life at the Boing.
WIN A BIONIC GENIUS T-SHIRT JUST FOR LISTENING.

Episode 0000013 accoutrements:

Josh announces he is leaving the Roundtable

Groundhog preliminary discussion, leading into vampirism for no reason whatsoever

What Does a Genius Eat for Lunch?

Phonecall to Punxsutawney, PA smackdown

More about Groundhogs

Poetry Slam-Things That Crunch – The Geniuses add a few lines to their very own poem to read to Billy Collins on April 5th.

Interview with Mark Frauenfelder from boingboing.net! Visit www.boingboing.net

CALL US and leave a message: 206-NOODLE-6. If we like you, we will put you on the show.